They Call the Wind Mariah

June 24, 2004 : 6:49 a.m.
Watch out for the Killer Dust Bunnies!

So this lady from Exchange-Students-R-Us is coming tomorrow. She was giving me qualifications on the phone and said, basically, that the homes that the students stay in don't have to be perfect, don't have to be upper-class, but can't be danger zones or shanties.

You know - the places you walk in and wouldn't ever want to take your shoes off, that reek of urine and the carpets are all oily/greasy/matted. Seriously - we looked at a place like that when we were house hunting. We saw the price and the size of the house and thought it would be a good "fixer-upper". Ha. It would have been a good "tear the mother down and start over-er".

So, did she think by hearing my voice I sounded like I lived in a place like that? Or is that a standard statement she makes to everyone? The world will never know.

She then says, you also don't have to be the best housekeeper, or have the "loveliest" house (??), but again, it can't be a dangerous place to live. Umm...last time I checked the laundry pile in my bathroom didn't chuck anyone into the toilet headfirst and drown them...but I'll keep it under reigns just to be safe.

Also, I quite guarantee it's not the "loveliest" house - whatever that means. We've lived here less than a year and the only walls that aren't still white are in my daughter's bedroom. This making the house "lovely" takes a while. However, I DO believe it's quite cozy and quaint. It's getting there. It's not a barren wasteland but even if I had no pictures on the wall and no decor at all - would that disqualify me from hosting an exchange student for 3 weeks?

Geez. I think the requirements for getting a layout in Better Homes & Gardens are less strict.

So anyway, I hope my cute, 3-bedroom, 3-year-old, not-the-biggest-house-on-the-block, suburban, semi-clean house will pass inspection for the 3-week visit.

If not, maybe I'll call Better Homes & Gardens and see about that layout deal.