They Call the Wind Mariah

February 11, 2004 : 9:22 a.m.
This Girl's Life

I have a problem/issue/whatever. Only it's hard to talk about here because the person whom it is in regards to reads my diary. At this point, she's probably guessing who it is. And if she keeps reading, she might have hurt feelings and feel like all I'm doing is putting her down, but that's not the case. She may be mad that I've said anything at all. But a friend is allowed to share her opinion isn't she?

And you know, above and beyond all that, this is my diary. I shouldn't feel like I have to tiptoe through it like a child. It's a place for me to lay down my private thoughts and if I can't do that here, where can I? So I guess I need to post a **disclaimer** that if you think the following is about you, and you don't want me having an opinion, don't read on. Otherwise, don't be upset with me for sharing my opinion. You don't have to read it. I just need to say it. SO here goes...

The issue is, I guess, that I think she feels like she needs a man in her life to validate her existence. She obviously doesn't. She has 2 little girls whom I hold very dear to my heart. They are like my own children, and in fact, I have spent almost every day of their lives with them. My personal view is (not that she or you - whoever "you" are - cares what my opinion is), those girls are her number one priority. I know she knows that, but at the current time she is very upset that this guy who's sort of in, sort of out of her life won't be spending Valentines with her, because she has to spend the weekend with her girls. To me, I would much rather spend the time with my child than my quasi-boyfriend. I say quasi because from the outside looking in, it doesn't really seem like this guy is as devoted to her as she is to him. I mean, when they're together they seemingly are a great couple, but they're rarely together because he either has to work (he is co-owner of a business) or has his weekends tied up with other things/activities/friends.

The problem kind of comes down to, is he, right here and now, the kind of guy that would be good for her kids. It doesn't seem like it to me. When she does find someone to settle down with, in my opinion even above her feelings about him, a mom needs to pick a man based on what kind of influence that will add or take away from her kids. A mom can't be selfish and pick someone who is going to have a negative impact on her kids. Her Ex already gives them enough negative. They need a big positive, and this guy she's seeing now doesn't seem like he would add much positive. He makes her sad all the time. And I mean all.the.time. I mean, who's to say things won't change and he will realize that she's what he really wants and do a complete 180? If he does, great. But it doesn't seem to be heading in that direction. My only hope is that when she picks, she picks carefully and considers the full impact it will have on her girls. They deserve the best, and you know what - so does she. She really deserves someone who will treat her right all the time, not just when they are face-to-face. And the best for all of them will be someone who can be there, who shows a marked interest in their lives, not just his own, and who is willing to sacrifice a few things to spend time with them. She puts forth that much effort, she deserves it in return.

And in the now, I hope that she can push aside the sadness of not spending Valentine's day with a man, and be happy that she can spend it with her girls.

I know sometimes it's lonely without a guy in your life. But, before you get serious with a guy, your life needs to get back on the path it's intended to be on. With your girls, with your job, with your money...etc.

She is limited with the time she can spend with them right now anyway, and I hope that when she's there she's in the moment with them, not feeling sad/depressed that she's not with this guy. That's not fair to the girls who just want their mommy. And it's definately not fair to her, to be so upset about someone who in the end, really might not be worth being that upset over.